maybe

ive been thinking a lot about this space that i have here, wondering if i should start writing here again or not. im going to give it a try. there are a lot of sides of me, and my color site is for the crafty, dreamy side of me. where i can make things look perfect by showing only the beautiful. but i always have words i want to say over there but i feel like its not the right place to say them. i am a confusing writer (as well with talking!) so if this makes no sense, just pay no mind to me :)
so ill start by doing a bit of talking.
:im fifteen now, i feel so old. i woke up the next morning trying to think of all of the remarkable things ive done in my life and came up with nothing. zero. zilch. so that was depressing. but i think ive changed. ive gotten rid of my shell, the shadow is still here for now-but ive definitely gotten better at just being who i am. i am kendall micayla. a quiet teenager who has big dreams and sky-high ideas. who loves god more than anything else. whos heart is full of music. who adores 80's classic rock as much as classical music. im me. and im never going to change anything about that. :) i feel pretty accomplished to be able to say that as a fifteen year old.
:im still learning. ill hit bumps in the road, and ill get back up again. i dont know everything- in fact, i barely know anything :)
:when i look around at the media and see the stupid junk that goes on in this sick world it makes me cry. from the very bottom of my heart. but im set and fixed on doing everything in my being to help people. to show them the love and peace that god can give them. i believe that god can do big things through me, and im ready to start reaching out. even if nobody else sees what i do, even if its hard and draining. i want to live how he has planned for me so that others can come to know his amazing love. even if my whole lifetime of backbreaking work makes only a small drop in the bucket-im willing to do it :)
:ill trust in the one who holds my whole heart. even when im scared and afraid, i will trust in him to carry me through. i know that he watches over me every second of the day.
happy friday :)